I had never explicitly thought of myself as neurodivergent until the idea was first presented to me in Middle School; as a foundation of my K-12 school was helping language based neurodivergent students with a model meant to help them. However, since I was raised at that school, I always assumed a sense of normalcy in my life, as a kid, my only gripes with going to my school is that my two brothers (twin and younger) both ended up going to the same private all boys school while I was off in my own school. More than anything, as a kid, I wanted to go to the same school as them. I had always admired my twin, and thought it was partially due to his schooling environment that he seemed to live a much more fulfilling life than me, socially, academically, and recreationally in sports.  

It was only then did I learn that I had Auditory Processing Disorder. This felt strange to me, as I still didn’t associate myself with an overt disability (as it was called back then) or neurodivergent trait due to the fact that I didn’t have the juggernauts that my school seemed to emphasize the most (ADD, ADHD, Dyslexia, Dysgraphia). In a sense, I felt myself to be at a crossroads between neurodiversity and non-neurodiversity. I was too neurodivergent to be at the same school as my brothers, yet, my school, which made me feel “normal” also felt strange to me. Though I have heard from my Mom that I was a social toddler and a social pre-schooler, ever since Kindergarten, my sense of self has been the “philosopher”. The one who doesn’t talk, the one who thinks, the one who doesn’t walk up to take initiative in friendships or friend groups, the one who just goes along with anything and was adopted into his friendships like a stork delivering me to my lifelong friends. My other noticeable trait at that time was my flair for the dramatic, which could be described as anger issues. The typical stuff: Yelling, saying mean things, trying to be intimidating or at least get them as mad as me, all in a day’s worth of being angry. This has nothing to do with my neurodivergency, but I associate this as me telling my educational life story, and to me, to understand my sense of self you need to understand the tension between the “philosopher” and my anger issues, let’s call it, “my dragon”. At school, I seemed to excel, at least in the place that people wanted me to: Grades. My worst grade was a B in math, but I somehow was able to scrape by A’s to A-’s in every other assignment. Anyway, it was later discovered that I had attention issues without the hyperactivity. By that time, I was around sixteen, and was already using music to get me to pay attention to my homework. I could not focus on homework unless I was stressed and in school with my friends, grinding to get it done, or unless I was home, blasting Panic! At The Disco on my Alexa.  

I’d say the only way I’ve ever considered myself being neurodivergent is my love for being alone, but not lonely. The difference? Being alone is a safe space in one’s own self while being lonely is being an outlier in a group. The main reason why I wanted to go to my brothers’ school is that I hoped I would have the same connections as them, as I never felt social enough, but auditory processing disorder isn’t a social one so I’m not sure where I got that idea.   

Anyway, let’s go back to my educational experience. I was raised in Liberal New York, my class consisted of 36 to 37 students which was typical per grade, and I remember there were around 500-ish students altogether from K-12. We were a private school with public funding, and I’d say half of my class was Jewish. I don’t think I’ve ever felt the experience of being neurodivergent, but I do know that I can really only succeed at neurodivergent environments due to the structures in place allowing it to make sense. I tried a year of another university/college before I transferred here, as I wanted to prove to myself and others that I am more than what I was branded, that I could stand on equal footing with my brothers, yet, it was too difficult and too confusing for me so I transferred in 2023.