Seventh Grade (I was thirteen) Location: Harrisburg Hershey: I remember Jake hugging me and wishing me good luck for my choir performance. I could feel my face flush red along with another strange feeling, like butterflies, that is how the seed of how I felt was planted. It was the first time I had smiled since the death of my Grandmother and Great Grandmother. I still felt numb but a weight was lifting off my shoulders.

Flash forward to June in Kennebunk, Maine. I told my best friend Megan about everything. I was questioning a lot that day and decided to talk to her. She asked if my sister knew and to answer her question, I said she didn’t know, because she didn’t in all honesty.

Eighth Grade I had a crush on a boy named Jerrell but Jake was always on my mind, making that weird feeling of giddiness appear in my stomach and heart, I tried to push it down, to like him was wrong, he was not only three and a half years older than me but the guy my sister dated in middle school.

I never got to see him during the graduation ceremony, I wish I could’ve. For some reason he always asked about me whenever he saw my sister, it was like I was the only person he cared about.

Ninth grade I saw him again at Walmart . I tried to shake his hand thinking it would be too awkward to hug him but I was proven wrong as he bear hugged me, I bit my lip to hide a wide grin.

He was different with me. I ignored the signs when my dad asked about Rachel (his girlfriend at the time) I watched his eyes, he sighed deeply and then said she was okay. But he looked at me with a smile pulling me in for another hug, that seed was growing more than I expected. I kept trying to distract myself by liking someone at my school to take my mind off of him but no dice. I thought I liked Jack or my best friend Anthony, but in my heart I knew it wasn’t true. My heart belonged to the surfer boy with the desire to work with Marine Animals.

My tenth grade year was me missing Jake, wishing to see him but I couldn’t. He lived six hours and four minutes away from me and it broke my heart because all I wanted was to see his ocean blue eyes and a sweet smile. I thought about him constantly and I guess that pushed me closer to Ant but I knew something was stopping me from saying I liked Ant, my feelings for Jake.

I saw him again at Playland and my heart lit up as he hugged me. I felt safe in his arms once again and when I found out he was going back to Stockton I couldn’t help it as the grin on my face widened.

I came to a realization at the end of the year, and I knew my world would in no way be the same again. I had this battle in my head for so long, did I or did I not, was the true question. I looked at myself in the mirror. I knew it in my heart and gut it was him. I knew it was him all along but a part of me didn’t want to say it, I tried denying it, it was poisoning my heart. I can’t do this. I can’t admit something like this.

Why do I feel this way? His smile I swear lights up my whole day and how much he wants to be a Marine Biologist shows how caring he is. He is hardworking, goofy, handsome, he plays hockey and he’s an amazing person… I could go on forever. The reason I am in love with him is that not only have I known him almost all my life, it’s the fact that just seeing him once could brighten up my days for a lifetime. Wait no! I can’t think this… maybe I like Anthony more than I think, maybe I like Jack. He’s funny and goofy. Or Jesse, he’s so sweet and kind. No, I know where my heart belongs, I’ve tried to run from how I feel for five years.

It’s time to face the music. I’m in love with the guy my sister dated.